primordial rangers
by Red Raptor Absolution
Summary: monsters are attacking the earth. an AI as old as civilization constructs a team of heroes in order to combat the dark forces. but the monsters are controlled by someone, someone who has had their compound eyes on earth from the day it was formed. it's up to this team to protect earth from a fallen entity. M for language and later stuff. (this is a joke remake!)
1. Chapter 1

**(AN: as I had promised! The reboot to the promethean rangers' story! This is a new title, a few new members, changed names and new origin story! Prepare for an ass load of references to ultraman and other things that will come outta nowhere!)**

Episode 1 "dawn's first lights":

An unknown creature stood over looking. a view down at the earth from the graveyard of monsters "finally." It spoke lifting the staff "I have all the monster souls I'll ever need." Its voice incredibly deep rumbled across the landscape like thunder "now go my monsters. Destroy the world." It pointed one end of the staff at the earth sending a large ball of souls down.

 _[Vivosaur island 12.30]_

2 teenagers sat drinking soda "so. You and Duna going out?" one asked, his blue hair waved in the wind "yeah." One with brown hair responded sipping his soda "you want to have a duel later?" brown asked blue "sure! Bring you A game!" the ball of souls impacted the ground sending the duo and a few bystanders flying.

The boys rose crouched behind the fountain "SON OF A BITCH!" they yelled out seeing humanoid skeletons "WHAT THE HELL! SKELETONS!?" brown yelled out "FUCKING RUN!" blue yelled running "GET SOMETHING FUCKING HARD MAN!" they grabbed led pipes "come on!" brown yelled charging out "ATTACK!" he jumped off the fountain and came down smashing the helmet of a skeleton monster taking it down.

A skeleton turned around confused at the music it was hearing gargling out "what the hell is that music?" blue jumped over kicking 2 down and smashing a third down "TRIPLE KILL!" brown swung around taking down 3 in a row "OVER KILL!" he yelled as they continued fighting.

Holt walked over "hey guys what's u-" brown and blue continued beating down the skeletons "GET THE HELL OVER HERE MAN!" brown yelled as holt grabbed a trash can lid "CHARGE MOTHER FUCKERS!" brown held a skeleton monster by the head "MOTHER FUCKER HELL YEAH!" "Dudes! Handing around you is NEVER dull!" Holt responded.

Brown saw one last skeleton and grinned "I GOT THIS MOTHER FUCKER!" he through the pipe hitting it in the skull "OH MY GOD I GOT THE MOTHER FUCKER!" he yelled grinning to himself "HOORAY!" blue yelled "now all you need to do is try and aim a lot better Gianni!" Gianni turned glaring at blue "I don't give a damn." Gianni responded sipping a soda before all three of them were teleported.

 _[Command center]_

The trio started looking around confused "where the mother fuck are we?" Gianni questioned confused as a red hologram appeared "greetings humans." It spoke in a calm tone "SON OF A BITCH!" the trio yelled hiding "well… can you come out so as you can meet the rest of your team?" Holt and hunter walled out from the left and right "where is the third?" the hologram questioned confused before Gianni falls from the rafters "SON OF A BIT-" he landed face first in the metal plating "that hurt like a mother fucker…" he stood up holding his nose.

 _{After a few minutes}_

Gianni sat looking at pictures of Duna snickering "get ready." Everyone looked up to see Duna and Rosie appear "mother fuck-yeah…" Gianni spoke under his breath before looking at Rosie and speaking with the rest of the boys "son of a bitch." Duna turned to see Rosie and sighed in irritation "son of a female dog." She sighed disappointed before Rosie was sent away "I'm still looking for your last two members." The hologram spoke a little aggravated with himself before a duo of Dinaurians appeared "jazz, indigo. Good to see you again." Gianni greeted to the duo "good to see you again too dawg." The hologram cleared his thought "now that you are all gathered." It hovered before them "why are we here?" Gianni asked interrupting.

Duna face palmed, she knew fully well that he was straight forward but why she never knew "very well." The hologram responded with a hint of amusement "you are to be a new team of power rangers." The hologram's voice took a calm and series demeanor as it looked at Gianni "alright then." The brown haired boy spoke calmly surprising even the AI "and here I was expecting to give a speech…" "Yeah" Gianni responded "he gets that a lot." Duna finished for the human "ok… moving right along." The AI spoke as 6 odd devices appeared all being a triangle with a handle each having their ranger colors "Gianni, you are to be the red ranger." The human took the device in his left hand 'or in this case the red ultra.' He thought to himself.

"Duna, you shall be the blue ranger." The Dinaurian took the device examining the blue crystal 'I do believe this is a sapphire.' She thought a small smile on her face.

"Hunter, you are to be the green ranger." Hunter held the device grinning 'BAM!' he eyed the emerald embedded in the device.

"Jazz, you shall be the white ranger." Jazz took the device looking at the diamond 'I wonder if I can keep this thing…'

"Indigo, you shall be the black ranger… and do to your gem you can now communicate with your team." Indigo looked at her team ''can you hear me now?'' she questioned her team "yep." Gianni responded in amusement before turning back to the hologram "and you are by the way?" the AI face palmed "how could I forget… after a few million years how can I forget?" the AI looked at the team "I am nexus. I have been placed here by a now long gone race long ago." A screen appeared behind the AI "it seems that there is a monster in the town." Nexus spoke not having to look at the screen "what do you want us to do sir?" Gianni questioned taking on a calm, almost practiced tone, like he had practiced it hundreds of times before.

"You are to go into town and destroy it." Gianni nodded in response "alright then… soda's on me when this is over." The team was teleported out as nexus turned to the screen "I wonder…." He looked over to a computer monitor "what in the makers is soda?" he questioned as hundreds of results danced across the screen.

The team was wrapped into town "alright… keep a sharp eye out…" Gianni said looking around "don't need no jump scares." He held his morpher in his hand "the hell is that?" hunter questioned looking at a tail that rounded a corner "hunter brake left, jazz right. Duna, indigo bring up the rear." He started running 'he's slipping into how he was again…' hunter thought as the team crept to the corner "be ready for an-" he didn't get to finish his sentence as a triceratops like monster jumped out "SURPRISE!" the red ranger jumped back "FUCK SHIT!" he threw his hand up in defense unknowingly morphing.

Coated in silver light he stood as the light turned red leaving a few silver lines, the helmet appeared over his head, it having a jaw like motif with a head fin, the helmet slid on as where his eyes were shone a gold color briefly as the ruby appeared on his chest.

The monster stood rubbing it's eyes from the exposure of light "what the hell was that?" it questioned as Gianni looked at the silver gloves "ok…" he spoke looking back at his team "now I feel like ultraman." He was knocked forward and into a wall "ok… so not cool." Duna held her morpher 'if he can do so on mistake…' she held it up.

(AN: somewhat similar to Gianni's transformation only the lines are curved to look like water, there are 2 small head fins on the sides of her helmet and yes she is blue.)

"Transform!" Duna advised as the monster thrashed its head "I think I'm blind!" it shouted.

(3rd, 4th, and 5th verses! Same as the first two! Only hunter is green with the fin on his helmet resembling a Spartan helmet. Jazz is white with an antenna on his helmet and indigo is black with 3 fins. 2 on the sides of her helmet and one at the top.)

The monster grabbed a lamp post and swatting the team into a building "how's that for a light show!?" it bellowed cackling "LIGHTSOUTFORYOU!" Gianni ran back into battle after taking time to recover from the first hit, slamming the monster in the neck with an arm "AHGH YOU LITTLE MEAT BAG!" the rangers stood staring down the monster.

Gianni got in a low stance "alright… now it's a party." Holt looked at him confused "the heck took you so long dude?" Gianni stood back up "helmet tutorial." He responded in a deadpan tone before being punched down again "SUCK IT MEAT BAG!" the monster laughed a psychotic laugh "I hear…. Hundreds of tiny bells…" the monster swung it's thick tail in a thin ark "get it!" Duna snapped as the team jumped forward.

Jazz flew in delivering a roundhouse kick to the head "NICE TRIE!" the monster grabbed his tail and flung him away ''BROTHER!'' indigo charged forward unleashing a hail of punches "HA! YOU THINK THAT'LL DO ANY-" the monster howled in pain as the small of his back was struck ''guys! I think I found the-'' before indigo could report her she was kicked back "CHEEP SHOT!" the monster bellowed taking a step forward "WHO'S NEXT!" it bellowed.

Holt and hunter charged forward at once "GET READY TO DIE!" they shouted, the monster yawned before grabbing them by the heads and smashing their heads together and throwing them to either side of it "NEXT TIME BRING YOU'RE A GAME MEAT BAGS!" it bellowed holding it's arms out with its hands open to the air.

Duna ran at the monster "one going down in three" the monster said preparing a heavy punch "two…" Duna took one more step forward seeing the oncoming attack "ONE!" Duna jumped over the hit, running on the monster's arm and delivering a kick to its nose shattering the nose horn "HEY! I NEEDED THAT!" it roared in response grabbing her by the head "OK! TIME TO DIE!" it started squeezing "h-help!" Gianni flew at it feet first "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" the monster flew back releasing the blue ranger. Duna landed and stood holding her helmet "thanks…" she spoke through a relieved sigh Gianni turned to her giving a thumbs up. "now I know my zord!" he said grinning at them all "really? What?" hunter asked confused as Gianni grabbed the monster by the head "GODZILLA!" he threw it over his head sending a quick kick to the small of its back "OH GOD WHY!?" Gianni looked at indigo "found the weak spot you were talking about." He grinned under his helmet ''that fast? Wow… no wonder Duna w-'' Duna smacked indigo on the back of the helmet "please don't tell him that… this is a new level of focus for him." She smiled under her helmet.

Red took a step forward and asked "anyone want to try the primordial beam?" all looked at him confused "what?" hunter asked confused "I ran the helmet tutorial, remember." Gianni responded looking at his teammates "well deal with that later, show us." Duna spoke looking at him "right." Gianni took on a relaxed stance.

The monster gave a confused growl as the red ranger lifted his arms up in an X shape as the silver on his arms started glowing a bright red "PRIMORDIAL BEAM!" the monster took a step back starting to mutter his last words "ohsonofa-" " **FIRE**!" a jet of energy flew from his arms hitting the monster dead on "I AM NOT THE LAST MONSTER YOU WILL SEE MEAT BAGS! THERE WILL BE MORE!" the monster roared giving a psychotic laugh as he was disintegrated.

The team stood there looking at where the monster once stood "so…. How do we turn back?" Duna questioned confused as warning sounds in their helmets started. At first slow but in time it speed up and in a few seconds they were out of their armor "wow… so if we're not careful we could end up screwed royally." Hunter remarked "thank you captain obvious." Holt said in response "chill dudes!" Jazz instructed indigo walked over holding her hands up "yeah, we don't need to fall to infighting here." She sent out looking at them "you don't get along do you?" Duna questioned "THAT'S PART OF OUR CHARM! SO QUIT FUCKING IT UP!" hunter responded "whatever… just as long as we don't go to Vegas." Gianni spoke confusing the Dinaurian trio "''why?''" they questioned looking at him "a lot of crazy shit happened and it scared me for life ok!" he walked off to the hotel "well… see you the next time something happens!" Duna spoke fallowing the human.

[monster grave yard]

A burst of energy blew apart a rock "HOW!? HOW COULD THEY! A BAND OF MORTALS! DESTROY ONE OF MY MONSTERS!?" the entity bellowed aggravated "no matter. I'll just have to send in averants from now on." The entity looked at the ends of its staff looking at the gems that held the monsters "pitiful mortals, they shall soon know death." Its orange compound eyes were the last to be seen as the orbital rotated around a gas giant.


	2. episode 2

Episode 2 "ultra-act II"

Both Gianni and Duna stood looking out at the sea from secret dock "so…we've been dating for a few years now…" the Dinaurian spoke as her tail snaked around his legs "yeah… we have…." They turned and spoke simultaneously "so I was thinking we go further!" they stopped in their tracks "what? You want to do that too!?" they turned to a bush that was rustling "oh snap! It happened!" Gianni narrowed his eyes in a glare at the bush hearing jazz ''wait… if you told Gianni to….and I told Duna to….'' Duna sighed disappointed hearing indigo's telepathic voice "son of a hell." Gianni spoke irritated.

The twins rose from the bush "uh…. Hi?" jazz responded looking at them ''sorry…'' indigo apologized to the couple "you really want to watch it happen do you?" Gianni got out trying to hold back his own irritation as the twins ran off "damn it all." Gianni spoke as Duna hugged one of his arms "don't worry… what I have planned~." She winked at him "clever girl…" Gianni remarked to her grabbing her tail "oh~! Save it for later~!" she instructed as her face started turning gold "alright dea delle acque." He spoke as they walked off.

[Monster graveyard]

The fallen entity stood holding his staff up "now…" it spoke looking at the earth "to send the first out." A ball of light was sent down to earth hopeing to destroy the mortals that dare stand against him.

[Command center]

The room was dark before a tremor struck, the hologram appeared as the room light up with both light and monitor screens "what?" he peered at the map "a new monster!?" he turned to a second screen "rangers! We have a new target!" the call was sent out.

[Where the monster landed]

A rodent like monster walked along as skeletal monsters attacked the town "go skelitors! Bring on the rangers!" it ordered as it swung around it's sword around, the heroes had arrived at the scene "a fucking rat monster? You kidding?" hunter questioned "whatever… let's destroy this thing!" Holt snapped out his morpher "LET'S DO THIS!" Gianni ordered as the team held up their morphers.

(AN: to save time, SCREW IT! READ CHAPTER 1)

The rat monster held his sword up "SKELITORS! TAKE THEM APART!" Gianni held out a hand "I CALL UPON THY! COME FORTH BLADE OF A GOD!" he yelled as a sword appeared in his outstretched hand "ah! Dude what!?" Holt and hunter saw the blade, seeing the serrated spines catch the light was a sight to see "yo! You think I can try?" jazz asked kicking one of the skelitors away "just say what comes naturally jazz!" the red ranger swung down cutting one in two "sweet." The white ranger held his hands out "bring a swarm of justice on the uncool!" a pair of nun chucks appeared in his hands "now this is sweet!" he swung one around hitting a skelitor in the head reputedly.

Indigo held her hands up to the sky as a bow staff appeared ''seems to me you need to think it.'' She remarked as Holt held his hand up "bring the pain on this world to free all!" a sword staff appeared in his hand "OH HELL YEAH! GET READY TO BE LIKE DARTH MAUL!" hunter held his hand out "BRING THE RAIN!" he declared as an ax appeared in his hand "OH Y-OO!" he smashed a skelitor's head apart "head splitter!" he remarked in amusement "let there be light!" Duna spoke her hand up as a short rapier appeared "an elegant weapon for a civilized time!" the rat monster watched as the rangers destroyed his task force, he was informed of what happened to the last monster and knew they would run out.

"Almost!" Gianni struck the last of the skull monsters "SUCK IT!" he yelled before hearing the alarm "crap….BAIL!" he ordered before the rangers timed out.

The rat monster grinned a devilish grin "why was fallen so afraid of them? When they run away!?" it walked off rampaging around town.

The team sat in the command center after the battle "why the hell do we even have a time limit?" Gianni questioned as nexus appeared "your bodies can not handle the full power yet. But if you chose to you can access a higher power than what you have now." The AI turned lowering his head "but they are scattered." Hunter walked over "please. Let us do this…" the AI turned back looking at the team "very well…" the AI spoke turning back around. They looked as screens light up "these shall be your zords." Gianni looked at one screen grinning an all knowing grin "well I sure hope someone picks up that phone" jazz looked at him confused "the what?" Gianni looked at them "BECAUSE I FUCKING CALLED IT!" he responded looking at them all "where are they?" he questioned turning back to nexus "you will not go to them… they will come to you." Nexus flashed crimson before logging off.

The rat monster had found a way to duplicate himself and now six of him were running rampant all over the place "da-dum. Da-dum. Da-dum" Gianni popped out behind the monster "YO!" it turned "oh my! One of you this time!" the human morphed "PREPARE TO FALL!" the red ranger declared sword ready "my brothers are all encountering your little pathetic friends!" the giant rat responded.

Duna slid back a few feet as the monster charged "oh! You have no one to protect you!" it spoke cracking its neck "you don't think I don't know that…but then again it's one on one." She responded as her tail curled up prepared to attack.

Holt bounced off a dumpster "that sucked on ice…" he stood holding his back "then let me put you out of your misery then." The rat monster responded as Holt got into a low stance "who said I wanted to die?" he responded smirking under his helmet.

Jazz and indigo had somehow go their rat monsters together ''50 G says I kill mine first.'' Indigo looked to her twin "60 says mine goes down first." Jazz responded looking at her ''well then let's see…'' the duo jumped sending roundhouse kicks to the rat monsters' heads.

Hunter had his rat monster pinned under foot "GIVE IT UP DUDE I GOT YOU DOWN!" the rat's tail whipped him in the back "D'OH!" the rat jumped up and threw hunter "not so tough now are you?" it questioned as hunter got up "y'know… at this point I have one thing to say to you…." The giant rat tilted its head leaning in "and that is?" it asked before hunter struck the monster in the face "BITCH SLAP!" hunter took off down the street fallowed by a very angry rat.

[Monster graveyard]

The fallen growled "no you fools! DO NOT FALL FOR THEIR MORTAL TACTICS!" He barked punching a hole in a column.

[Back with the team]

The rats stood back to back "great… who thought to run here?" one asked "THAT WAS YOU IDIOT!" the other five snapped back at it "fuckerdoodle." Gianni put his arms up in an X shape "READY!" he shouted "RIGHT!" the rest of the team did the same "oh that's adora-" one rat monster started "PRIMORDIAL BEAM! FIRE!" the multibule beams went up into the air spinning around till they fused together as one of the rat monsters got in a final word "SHIT!" the blast struck them all blowing them apart.

[Monster graveyard]

The fallen gave a roar that reverberated around the orbital before calming down "oh well." It growled out "that's why I sent an averant." It held out a hand sending a blue beam down to the fire that was once six rat monsters.

[Back with the team]

"One up six down." Gianni spoke as Duna stood confused "wait… isn't there something we're missing?" the blue beam hit the fire as the rat monsters reappeared much bigger than before "oh shi…" the monsters spread out again "yeah… nexus…" ["I see them. six additional contacts."] A shadow passed over head "oh cool!" hunter said looking up at a large green pteranodon the green ranger looked to the red ranger "that one mine?" "Yep." hunter had jumped up "LET'S DO THIS SHIT!" he declared.

A black triceratops and a white triceratops appeared next "apples to apples?" jazz asked as he and indigo ran to their respective zords.

A grey raptor appeared next "if it wasn't for this helmet I would be drooling…" Holt spoke as Gianni face palmed "go for it." He said as Holt ran off.

A blue Deltadromeus appeared next as Duna looked at him "what of you?" Gianni gave a thumps up as loud footsteps echoed around them "what is-" ***SKREEEEONGK!*** a large red form caste it's shadow "like I said…." Gianni stepped close to the Dinaurian "you called it alright." She responded as they split for their zords.

Jazz and indigo chased down their two rats again "this is running with the bulls after they went fucking super!" jazz commented ''yeah! They'll slow down soon thought and get ran right over.'' Indigo responded, as she said that both rats tripped and were trampled "that's tha-wha?" two orbs flew away ''odd…'' indigo commented.

Hunter flew with one at high speeds "d-d-d-d-d-drop the base." The rat monster fell getting it's self electrocute before being turned into an orb and going off "the fu-" he was confused at what had happened.

Holt had one pinned under foot "don't make me do it dude." The rat buried the zord's killing claw into the back of its own head "you dumb ass…" Holt responded face palming not even seeing the orb fly past.

Duna tail whipped the rat tripping it "now are you going to give up or-" the monster flew apart with her watching "did it just fly apart on me?" she questioned not believing what she just saw before looking out to sea "I wonder…" she put a hand under her chin in thought before it hit her "oh no!" the Deltadromeus ran off fallowing the orb.

The gojira zord had seemingly burnt through the last one "that's that." He spoke a victorious smile under his helmet *SKREEEEONGK!* the red titan looked at the congregation of the orbs as the monster grew in size "NOW LOOK WHO YOU SHALL FACE NOW!" the monster gave a demonic laugh "everyone! Get over here! Now!" Duna had arrived as the team gathered "WHAT NOW YOU MEAT BAGS!?" the rat monster questioned.

Gianni got an idea "DINOBOTS! UNITE!" the zords combine, the delta forming both a helmet and a sword, the twins forming the legs, the raptor and pteranodon forming the arms with the gojirasuarus being the body "oh…." The rat monster spoke just standing there "fuck me in the a-" not a chance to finish the retort it was punched in the chest being sent back a few yards. It stood back up "lung…" the mega zord jumped "LET'S CUT THIS SHORT SHALL WE!?" the Gianni declared "oh YOU SON OF A-AHRG!" the rat titan back away holding it's injured tail "looks like you got rear ended!" Duna joked much to indigo's disappointment ''boo!'' the mute responded.

The rat monster charged again claws and sword ready "TIME FOR YOU TO DIE!" Gianni looked up "oh crap!" time slowed for both sides as the tail blade cut into the rat monster first, the monster flew to the side from the force of the impact it's new injury sparked "how… how could I fail….?" It questioned as the mega zord walked up "well… let's just….end it…" hunter said looking at the screen "till all are one." Gianni responded as the mega zord brought the blade down.

The monster blew up causing the megazord to break apart into its components "well…" Gianni started as the gojirasuarus zord stood "looks like that's a monster wiped out!" *SKREEEEONGK!* the red titan gave a victorious roar surrounded by allies once again.

[Monster grave yard]

The fallen sat in a thrown, one hand holding the staff while the other held his own face "again…" it spoke disapprovingly "a monster has been destroyed…again…" he sighed disappointed before blasting a rock apart with his staff from his throne to the ground floor outside. He took a moment "son of a HELL!" he bellowed in outrage. Replacing his free hand on his head he sighed "I'll need a damn army to kill them." He waved on end of his staff conjuring up two souls watching them take shape as a dilopho like monster and a triceratops like monster "Toro…spitter…" the duo bowed "what is thy bidding…" Toro spoke "you are to take command of the revitalization Toro." The fallen focused on spitter "and you are send the solders to serve the monsters." Spitter rose to his full height "as you wish…master…" it growled the last part as the duo walked out.


End file.
